Wednesday, 20 January 2010
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FIJI GOVERNMENT EXTREME MAKEOVER FOR INDIAN TOURIST MARKET
This is what our once vibrant tourism industry will need to transform into to cater for the fetishes of our new emerging tourism market from India, we will get to the Asian market one day but today is dedicated to Incredible India and more specifically the middle class tourism market, we can forget about the billionaires because we simply are a zero sum economy under this military junta.
First of all we would have to overhaul our Hotel and Catering Syllabus, yes folks no more steak and eggs with a slice of halal bacon, in future our youth would need to be trained on how to make vegetable curries, hence the term curry munchers. And don't bother about the taste just load all the condiments on the table because nothing you cook will meet their expectations.Throw the toaster and bread out they don't eat bread so you will have to hire more kitchen hand to make the Roti.
Secondly, we would need to refurbish all our luxury hotels with state of the art exhaust in the rooms and set up a special prayer place so that they can light their incense sticks and pray to their idols otherwise all the furnishing, satin sheets and Egyptian bath robes will be smelling like cheap perfume.
Third, we would need to have in the toilets a complementary bottle of Fiji Water because toilet tissue is a foreign concept for cleansing the persona. We would also need to produce some Pure Fiji deodorant/antiperspirant placed bang smack in the middle of the bath mirror with instructions on how where and why to apply prior to exiting the room into the public domain.
Forth, we would have to hire at least one life guard per 10 meters of beach-front and one on each corner of our swimming pools. Prior to entry all patrons must be advised to cleanse under a running shower and if it is that time of the month for the ladies to ensure that they have a sanitary pad or better still refrain from entering the pure waters of our Fiji Islands.
This may sound stupid to some of you but believe you me just because people have a few dollars under their mattresses does not mean that they are all aware of the common courtesies of civilized society that we may take for granted. Whether you dress them in the finest of cotton and silk and notwithstanding that they may garland themselves in gold jewelery they are still quite indifferent to our culture traditions customs and most of all courtesy is a foreign concept. In a country that has 3 billion weeds, people do not have time to seek your permission to shit where they stand, they shit first and are genuinely naive as to its appropriateness in the circumstances.
Apart from the initial all inclusive spend after being hammered by 5 years worth of gorilla marketing and millions of dollars in advertisements they decide to part with their money to see our Fiji, as soon as they land on our shores DO NOT expect them to buy ANYTHING from ANYWHERE in FIJI outside their hotel facility. In fact be prepared to buy something from them, they will bring their goods in their suitcases to recover the cost of the trip from you.
Since the sunscreen in our hotels would be too expensive for their budget perhaps we could also include a Pure Fiji Sunscreen compliments of the Military Government of Fiji, after all we only have around 1.5b left in our Super Fund might as well add a few incentives to move Fiji forward.We almost forgot, bring down the seaside chappels and start building miniature temples and hire some pundits thats the future of our wedding honeymoon all inclusive, c'mon people I kid you not, a new market means a whole new ball game and this is just the tip of the ice-berg.
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